Guilt - a feeling of responsibility or remorse for an offense or wrongdoing, real or imagined.
Gratitude - the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Something I struggle with everyday is the feeling of guilt. I have such a hard time going through the day-to-day not constantly thinking that I am a burden on someone or that I owe someone something. I am always thinking about what I am not doing enough of or what I need to be doing better. I feel guilty if I take time for myself or even sleep in an extra hour. I feel guilty when I spend money. I feel guilty when I forget to do something I was supposed to do for someone else. This guilt is always weighing heavy on my heart. Sometimes when I am able to recognize it, I can feel that it is blocking my ability to love myself and appreciate everything that I have, that I do, and who I am. It’s like the guilt is saying “That’s not good enough, keep going. You have so much to do, you have so far to go. You don’t have time to waste or rest.”
In our society, the pendulum tends to swing pretty hard in one direction to the next - one day it’s hustle culture, "boss bitch" energy and the next it’s “soft girl” era. Why can't we just exist in a balance between these two mindsets and try to find harmony with both?? I want to have time to recognize my efforts, love myself, and be grateful, but I don't want to be scrutinized when I take that time to pause and reflect. I struggle to stay out of my own way and when I let guilt take over, the self-doubting thoughts come rushing in.
Here’s how I’ve been dealing with it. Gratitude > Guilt. For me, it’s easier to stop my thoughts in their tracks if I write them down. When I actually write out my thoughts, I can see them for what they are - thoughts. Your thoughts are not YOU, they do not make you a good or bad person, they do not control you. Thoughts are just thoughts. Take a moment to let that sink in...
Journal Prompt:
AM Journal :
Write down 3 things you are grateful for and why.
Write down 3 things you are want to accomplish today.
PM Journal :
Write down 3 things you are proud of today.
Write down 3 things you can improve on tomorrow.
If you are newer to meditation, journaling can really help with the process of seeing and observing your thoughts. Write them down and try not to label them as good or bad. Remember, they are just thoughts. If there are any that stand out to you, reread them. Notice what thoughts come up again and again. Are these thoughts serving you or can they be redirected? For example, “I have so much to do, I did not get enough done today, I failed.” Redirect the thought to, “I am lucky to have a job. I did my best today, and that is enough. I am enough.”
I know it can be hard to stop a self-limiting thought in the moment, but that’s what practice is for. Doing this journal exercise daily is a good way to start. Eventually you’ll be able to stop a limiting belief in it’s tracks and replace it with a positive mantra. Over time and through practice, you'll strengthen these skills, like you would any muscle in the physical body.
So what does this have to do with gratitude? Practicing gratitude helps us step outside of ourselves, set the ego aside, and look at the big picture. When your thoughts are overwhelming, fearful, and guilt-ridden, gratitude helps you see a different side. Again, not labeling the thought as good or bad, but simply redirecting. For example, “I should spend more time with my family.” Redirect the thought to “I am grateful to have a loving and healthy family to miss.”
When you start to feel guilty about all that you have and how far you've come, remember that you deserve it all. Don't question that.
There are many times I can remember feeling unworthy of the praise, love, or support I have received. But why? Why can it be so hard to be accepting of love and support? Why do we feel less deserving than anyone else? Rather than let the whys spiral out of control, come back to gratitude. Take a step back and feel grateful for everything you have. Then take a moment to recognize your importance and claim your worthiness, don't question it.
I'll leave you with this meditation. Read it, read it again, print it out, tape it on your bathroom mirror, make it your phone background, or whatever you need to do to start believing it as the truth.
You deserve the best.
Never feel unworthy or
not justified in having the best.
I tell you, this is your heritage;
but, you have to accept it.
You have to expect it;
you have to claim it.
To do so is not demanding too much.
Guru Deva,
Swami Brahmananda Saraswati
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