The first major lesson I learned from my yoga practice was to let go. It was something I had always knew I needed to work on, and little did I know it would lead to so much more.
To give you a little back story, I was a really confident kid and truly never really cared what people thought about me... until college. I don't know what changed, but jealousy took over me in my relationship and I started comparing myself to others, holding on to anger and grudges, and just overall letting negativity cloud my judgement and character. When I realized this was happening, I started to change some of my drinking habits. That helped, but I had to dig a little deeper and find out what was really going on for me. I started to ask myself where this negativity was coming from and why I was holding on to it. I still think about the moment when something clicked in my head and I heard, "what you give is what you receive." It felt like someone shook me and said, if your constantly exuding negativity, you're only going to attract more negativity!!! This is when I realized that I had a lot to let go of before I could make any sort of change, and I knew it was the start of a long journey to inner peace.
Finally, graduating college, one of the most rewarding and challenging times in my life. Everyone is excited for you and your accomplishments, but not without wanting to know your next immediate move. Where are you going to grad school? What are you going to do for a living? Where are you going to live? I thought I needed to have everything figured out that day... at least, it seemed like everyone else did.
My perception was that everyone else had their life figured out except for me. After college, I moved home and was working a part-time, minimum-wage job, trying to explore my options of what was out there for me. It was scary, but more than anything embarrassing. Everyone asks what you’re doing now that you have a bachelor’s degree, seemingly expecting something high and mighty (now knowing this was only my expectation for myself being projected). When I told them I was working part-time at a gym and nannying, the responses weren’t always supportive. When are you going to get a real job? You’re not going to make enough money that way. One of my neighbors even said to me, "What are you doing? Working on your MRS degree?" ... Oh that one nearly broke me... At the time, I was so concerned with what others thought and expected of me, and I was angry when they didn’t understand... until I remembered that they are not the ones writing my story.
One day, my favorite yoga instructor structured her class around the theme of letting go. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of others’ opinions. Letting go of the idea that there is not one perfect way to do life. This class changed everything for me. I felt like a switch had been triggered and my mindset completely flipped. Remembering the words in my head, what you give is what you receive. I realized that what I was holding on to was actually harming me more than anything else. I was letting external factors dictate my life and my internal dialogue. I was believing what others were saying as true, rather than questioning why their opinion mattered so much to me. I was thinking so small-scale, in-the-moment (fixed-mindset!) rather than big picture.
When I started practicing the art of letting go, I was finally able to see that everyone’s life path is different. Just because my friends or classmates had a “big girl/boy job” or got into grad school, it didn’t mean they had life figured out. And just because I wasn’t working a regular 9-5 didn’t mean that I was behind or off track in any way. I'm still working on letting go of the expectation of a linear path and becoming more accepting of the journey. I'm not saying it's easy, but the freedom from perfectionism is worth it.
So how do we just let go? Based on my own experience and journey, here are a few simple steps to follow to START the process of letting go. Remember it's not going to be perfect, in fact, let it be imperfect. Also remember, this is my own personal experience. I'm in no way nuanced in this subject and I'm not trying to re-invent the wheel. I just hope you feel less alone reading this and can implement some helpful practices into your life that have personally helped me!
Awareness
Acceptance
Attitude
Action
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If you choose to journey through these steps, know that it will not be a one time thing. You will likely come back to this process again and again. As new chapters of life emerge, more expectations are set, and fearful, limiting, jealous, self-doubting, angry, or overall negative thoughts may return. When you start to notice this happening, allow yourself to pause and reflect, and come back to these steps. Become aware of what's going on currently. Acknowledge and accept the situation, reminding yourself that it's okay to have these emotions. Then after sitting with the matter-of-fact, understand what you can let go of, what you can change, and why you want to take action. Start small and act with intention. You've got this!
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